The Ultimate Team
by Jazzmaster
Summary: A humorous re-write of what happened when JR and King fought Regal and Storm. COMPLETE


Disclaimer: I do not own WWE or it's characters. This disclaimer is brought to you by the letter "T" for "true".  
  
A/N: Oh dear, RAW is awful right now. WWE humor fics are getting harder to write since the stupidity of what goes on is hard to top. But here goes.  
  
  
  
The WWE AC/DC tribute band kicked in and Eric Bischoff walked out along with randomly selected assistant Sean Morley.  
  
"I love each and every one of you people," said Eric. "Except you, you, you, you, and definitely not you."  
  
The pair looked rather upset about something and walked over to where JR and The King were positioned. King, who was drunk, started waving his book under Eric's nose until Bisch grabbed it and threw it away.  
  
"Hello King, hey good ol' JR, actually, you know what, 'good ol'' JR my ass! F-View cameras caught you during the break and I want everyone to see what you two said.  
  
Footage of JR and Lawler was played on the Titan-o-tron.  
  
"I keep telling you JR, I don't want to see that..."  
  
"Sorry King, I just lose control sometimes. Anywho, now that we're off air, I can stop pretending to be excited by this crap. It's utterly awful. This is piss-poor television. I tell you what, if Eric Bischoff started concentrating more on having fighting drunken monkeys than having HHH talk all the time, we'd have a better television show."  
  
The footage stops playing then and Bischoff stares evilly at JR.  
  
"Now thanks to that little outburst JR, we're going to see a tag team match here tonight," explained Eric.  
  
"What, are you just going to randomly throw two singles superstars together AGAIN in a desperate attempt to make a decent pairing? They'll suck, but King and I still have to talk about them as if they're the second coming of The Rock?" asked JR.  
  
"Actually JR, I'm putting you and King in a match tonight," said Eric happily. "I already know that you will both suck."  
  
"That's a terrible idea," said Lawler, who was swaying from side to side.  
  
"Well your opinion don't matter. It says so in my music, so it must be true," said Eric.  
  
"Heeeello ladies," said Sean.  
  
"NO NO NO that isn't your gimmick anymore," shouted Eric.  
  
"B-b-b-ut I've never wrestled a match in my life," stuttered JR.  
  
"What about the time you teamed up with Stone Cold?" asked King before falling off his chair.  
  
"BY GOD I HAVE NEVER WRESTLED IN MY LIFE. YOU SORRY SON OF A BITCH I WILL KILL YOU!!!" yelled JR.  
  
At this point, Eric and Sean courageously ran away.  
  
  
  
The match was made: JR and The King would have to face William Regal and Lance Vance from GTA:Vice City. Unfortunately, Eric eventually realised that Lance Vance was not a real person, so he had to go for the much less charismatic, but infinitely more real, Lance Storm.  
  
"We... will...win," said Lance.  
  
"Why are we partners at all?" asked Regal.  
  
"I...do...not...know...the...answer," replied Lance. "I... think... we... hate... Canada..."  
  
"But aren't you from Canada?" asked Regal.  
  
"FATAL SYSTEM ERROR! DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON!"  
  
  
  
So the ultimate battle was set. Lance Storm and Christian, sorry, Regal, waited in the ring.  
  
"Well those two are in the ring, but where the heck are their opponents, JR and Jerry Lawler?" asked JR from the announce position.  
  
"I dunno JR. I think they might have chickened out! What pathetic cowards!"  
  
"Why are Regal and Storm pointing and shouting at us King?"  
  
"I dunno that either. Wait a minute, why are Eric Bischoff and Sean Morley grabbing us and taking us out to the ring?"  
  
"We have been tossed in the ring ladies and gentleman! Regal is walking over and MY GOD HE JUST HIT KING IN THE HEAD!"  
  
Eric and Sean walk back up the ramp and Tony Shiavone waltzed out to the announce position.  
  
"Hello and welcome to the best Nitro EVER! Amazing how it just gets better every week. Okay King is up and he's punching away at Regal AND REGAL GOES OVER THE TOP ROPE HE IS LITERALLY DEAD AFTER THAT MOVE. Regal back in now, BIG right hand by Lawler and Regal's head was LITERALLY knocked off there, now Regal hits a DDT and Lawler is LITERALLY broken in half."  
  
As he continues to talk, he suddenly has a strange flashback. He remembers talking to Ric Flair while they filmed the WCW 'Best of the 90's' video.  
  
"WCW will just get stronger in 2000, 2001, 2002, and beyond...." said Flair.  
  
Tony began thinking. Why couldn't he remember what happened on Nitro the past few weeks? The past few months even? And since when did JR and the King fight on Nitro? Something strange was going on and Shiavone didn't like it one bit.  
  
In the ring, Lawler was down and JR knew now that it was up to him. But wait - someone was running down the aisle. It was Al Wilson! Al ran in and stunnered Regal then Rock Bottomed Lance. JR fell onto Regal for the cover.  
  
1.....2.....3!!!  
  
It was over! JR had won the match! He and Lawler hugged until HHH came out to the ring.  
  
"I am God and I say that match NEVER happened!" said HHH.  
  
So the events of this story never happened, they exist now only as a fairy tale, why? Because HHH said so. 


End file.
